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June 22, 2020

I recently began compiling this list in my head. I don't know what it reflects about who I currently am as a person, or who I am becoming, but I can say it was made with intentions to track a sort of personal growth. I am not "against" anything, or anyone, currently displaying the opposite of my current outlook that I have listed below; the sentiment is not a hard one, but more so one rooted in reflection, correctiveness, and compassion - for myself and others. Frankly, I don't care how others choose to see the world or live their lives. My current core belief is that we're all alien-ape hybrids plodding through life with our string of trial and errors, hoping to mostly get it right, and experience more joy than pain with the little information we have about getting through life mostly unscathed; that said, it is becoming increasingly impossible for me to make a judgment on how "it" (life, living) should be done. I am also just still learning and fucking up A LOT. All I know is, my views have changed since I last checked, and I hope it's "for the better". For so long I've endured a lot of pain from being a certain way, which ironically, upon distancing and reflection, I've learned it was a self-protective mode - perhaps one I have employed since early middle school? I am happy to say I have slowly but surely come to changes, and I am noticing I currently have more capacity to weed out my own bullshit behaviors and thoughts and treat myself and the world with more open-heartedness; and I hope it serves to help me weed out others' bullshit too - not that it would make me treat them unkindly if I discovered they were "full of shit" or behaving in a way I used to. On the contrary, more compassion for them (because I know pain sucks). The list begins like this (I plan to revisit as often as possible and add more)...


Things I used to think were "cool" (disclaimer: because defining what "cool" is is a daunting task, I will leave it be as a cryptic, general term for the reader to define for themselves; the term "cool" has also evolved to mean "good" or "acceptable" over the years - I am including that in my generalities as well) that I no longer think are "cool": 


thinking about things as cool or uncool... (kind of ironic considering the premise of this list!)


thinking about coolness as something very important and something to aspire to be


thinking "I am cooler than"... certain people






having a strong opinion about something that's also comparatively against something else - this could be from music to art to politics to religion to the newest shoes; it's about respecting people's choices, but amplifying one's own in a positive way that makes others interested in you, not repulsed by you by way of disdain for others who share a different viewpoint, or elicits positive changes to occur; living and letting others just do the same


people, especially women, who are "against' having children, and who also need to put those who aren't, in a position beneath them - i.e. stupid, crazy, stunted, un-feminist, uneducated, girly, brainwashed


people who are not very kind upon first meeting others, and in all other instances thereafter




"success" - accolades, bragging rights, Instagram likes and follows, etc., see "fame"


subtle bragging - also humble-bragging; also sharing successes and accolades on social media, to friends nonetheless; makes me think about how no one from a "boring office job" posts about their career promotions on social media; why do artists, musicians, and entertainers? wasn't the award, grant, acceptance letter, sale, inclusion to record label or gallery roster, etc., a pat-on-the-back enough?


certain jobs being "cooler" than other jobs; a job is a job is a job is a f****ng job!


cussing - YUCK


self-depreciation; it's just not that sexy (this is a hard one, i'm still very self deprecating, but i don't think it's "cool")


other people to the point of wanting to be them, or like them, or care more about their lives than my own


quantifying and deeming things, people, places, lives, as "cool"


the past; to be specific - certain movements and groups as contained in photographs, such as: hippies, no wavers, punks, Warhol lofters, 80's party-goers, squatters and train hoppers, etc. 


being part of a group, such as -  a collective, trend, trendy movement, the "cool" group, etc.


smart people who brag, manipulate, and condescend to others they deem as less smart; yes, sadly, there was a time when I thought people who did this were "very worthy" of my time, and all I wanted was to be just as smart so I could finally know what it feels like to actually "be" superior















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